in a mirror, dimly

For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then we will see face to face. Now I know only in part; then I will know fully, even as I have been fully known.

- 1 Corinthians 13:12

Theologically speaking, my wife Nicki is much more conservative than I am. I was brought up as a Methodist; she was raised Southern Baptist. I feel most comfortable in mainline Protestant churches; she feels most comfortable in Baptist or non-denominational churches.

Our religious differences have caused some problems in our marriage. We can't find a church where both of us are happy. My church is not conservative enough for her; hers is too conservative for me.

We've tried different strategies to live with our differences. We've visited churches that we thought might work for both of us, but none of them were a good fit. We've tried going to my church one weekend, and hers the next weekend. Every solution is less than ideal.

What comforts Nicki about conservative churches is the same thing that bothers me: Everyone there has essentially the same image of God, the same theology, the same spiritual background. The sameness has a chilling effect on our relationship with God, it seems to me. Those who have different ideas can be ostracized. Even asking the wrong questions can cause a person to be shunned.

I've known people raised in conservative churches who turned away from Christianity entirely as they began to question some of the doctrines they were brought up with. That's the big danger of "doctrinal purity". The church's theology becomes a substitute for a genuine relationship with Christ.

I'm not saying that conservative Christians can't have a relationship with Christ. I know many conservatives, including my wife, whose faith is genuine. However, it seems to me that most non-denominational churches tend to promote their doctrines as the only way to know God. For some people, that may be comforting, as they can get answers without having to wrestle with the questions. For others, who can't agree with the pat answers, it can drive them from the church. It may even drive them from faith entirely, and that is a tragedy.

When I was young and single, I could have found a liberal church where I could have worshipped with people who thought just like me. But I would rather worship with people who don't all have the same understanding of, say, the atonement. I think there is a beauty in theological diversity: It reminds us that God is bigger than our petty disagreements. It also enables us all to grow as we learn from each other.

Getting to know God is a lifelong process. For now, we see in a mirror, dimly. One day we will see face to face, and then all of our theological differences will not matter very much.