hospital charts

The following are actual sentences found in patients' hospital charts:

• She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
  
  
• Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
  
  
• On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.
  
  
• The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
  
  
• The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
  
  
• Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.
  
  
• Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
  
  
• The patient refused autopsy.
  
  
• The patient has no previous history of suicides.
  
  
• Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.
  
  
• Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.
  
  
• Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
  
  
• Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.
  
  
• Since she can't get pregnant with her husband, I thought you might like to work her up.
  
  
• She is numb from her toes down.
  
  
• While in ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.
  
  
• The skin was moist and dry.
  
  
• Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.
  
  
• Patient was alert and unresponsive.
  
  
• Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.
  
  
• She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.
  
  
• I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
  
  
• Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
  
  
• Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
  
  
• The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
  
  
• The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stock broker instead.
  
  
• Skin: somewhat pale but present.
  
  
• The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.
  
  
• Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.
  
  
• Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.
  
  
• Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.
  

Here's wishing you a happy, medical-chart-free 2008!