juggling act
Jason Quick lost his right arm in an accident at age six, but that didn't stop him from learning to juggle:
Labels: fun, humor, inspirational
reflections on life as I see it
Jason Quick lost his right arm in an accident at age six, but that didn't stop him from learning to juggle:
Labels: fun, humor, inspirational
It's popularly believed that my home state of Kansas is flat. OK, it's not just a popular belief: It's a proven fact that Kansas is flatter than a pancake. Nonetheless, the western edge of the state is actually higher than the average peak in the Appalachian Mountains.
Joel O$teen i$ back with a new book and it'$ not about him! Crazy, huh? But true. Thi$ time around it'$ all about YOU.
More $pecifically--your TIME.
And according to Pa$tor O$teen, it'$ your time NOW to purcha$e hi$ new book, It's Your Time: Activate Your Faith, Achieve Your Dreams, and Increase in God's Favor
Labels: humor, prosperity preaching
Where I come from, snipe hunting is a popular form of entertainment. My high school cross country coach first introduced me to this unusual bird. Unfortunately I never could work it into my busy schedule to actually go on a hunt. I have no regrets about missing out on this rite of passage; knowing my luck I would probably have gotten lost in the woods and not caught anything.
Q. What do you call a person who speaks many languages?
Labels: humor
News flash:
This relaxation exercise has been designed by experts to help reduce stress:
Labels: humor
Since I've got an interest in Bible translations, I thought I'd pass this along. Hat tip to Eddie Arthur of Kouya Chronicle:
Labels: humor, translation
Thanks to Steve Hayes for this meme...
If you read this, if your eyes are passing over this right now (even if we don't speak often or have never met), please post a comment with a completely made up, fictional memory of you and me.
It can be anything you want - good or bad - but it has to be fake.
When you're finished, post this little paragraph in your blog and see what your friends come up with...
Geez I just noticed I have not updated this since you last visited... You would not believe how insane my life has become. Apologies to my regular readers! Even the little blue ones!
The following are actual sentences found in patients' hospital charts:
- She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
- Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
- On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.
- The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
- The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
- Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.
- Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
- The patient refused autopsy.
- The patient has no previous history of suicides.
- Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.
- Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.
- Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
- Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.
- Since she can't get pregnant with her husband, I thought you might like to work her up.
- She is numb from her toes down.
- While in ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.
- The skin was moist and dry.
- Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.
- Patient was alert and unresponsive.
- Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.
- She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.
- I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
- Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
- Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
- The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
- The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stock broker instead.
- Skin: somewhat pale but present.
- The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.
- Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.
- Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.
- Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.
Labels: humor
Once upon a time an American aerospace company and the Chinese decided to have a competitive boat race on the Detroit River. Both practiced long and hard to reach their peak performance. On the big day they both felt as ready as they could be. The Chinese won by a mile!
Labels: humor
The Kingdom of God is like a preschooler with eight chicken nuggets. If one of them falls to the floor, will he not leave the seven on his tray, and crawl under the table to get the one? And once it is found, he will proclaim it cleansed from all impurities, and no one will be able to snatch it from his hands.
The hardest thing about blogging again after a long absence is writing the first post. So, in lieu of offering one of my own, I'm just posting a link. Maybe that will get me back in the habit.
1. A postmodernist deconstructs the sign (knocks it over with his car), ending forever the tyranny of the north-south traffic over the east-west traffic.
Labels: humor
4 Questions, 60 Minutes.
Labels: humor
Artificial intelligence has come a long way. Forty years ago, Joseph Weizenbaum gave us ELIZA, the artificial intelligence program that parodied a Rogerian psychotherapist by restating the user's statements as questions. At the time, ELIZA was considered very advanced because it could swap the words "I" and "you" as appropriate.
Labels: humor
To lighten things up in the middle of this series about hell, I thought I'd share these. I received them in an email titled "Kids' letters to God."
Labels: humor
My mom, a retired teacher, sent me this.
The Lesson:
Then Jesus took his disciples up the mountain and gathered them around
him. He taught them, saying,
Blessed are the poor in spirit for theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven.
Blessed are the meek.
Blessed are they that mourn.
Blessed are the merciful.
Blessed are they who thirst for justice.
Blessed are you when persecuted.
Blessed are you when you suffer.
Be glad and rejoice for your reward is great in heaven.
Then Simon Peter said, "Are we supposed to know this?"
And Andrew said, "Do we have to write this down?"
And James said, "Will we have a test on this?"
And Phillip said, "I don't have a pencil."
And Bartholomew said, "Do we have to turn this in?"
And John said, "The other disciples didn't have to learn this."
And Matthew said, "Can I go to the bathroom?"
And Judas said, "What does this have to do with real life?"
Then one of the Pharisees who was present asked to see Jesus' lesson
plan and inquired, "Where is your anticipatory set and your objectives
in the cognitive domain?"
And Jesus wept.
Labels: humor
An ad man from Tyson Foods arranges to visit the Pope. After receiving the papal blessing he whispers, "Your Eminence, do we have a deal for you. If you change The Lord's Prayer from 'give us this day our daily bread....' to 'give us this day our daily chicken....' we will donate $500 million dollars to the Church."
Labels: humor